Opposites Attract - right?
I am going to tell you right now, that when it comes to relationships, this is not true. I dare you to disagree with me after reading this article. ‘Opposites attract’ is not the reason why you keep attracting the bad boy to your good girl or the naughty devil to your angel. Learn why the Law of Attraction—like attracts like—holds the key to breaking free from dysfunctional patterns and finding a truly fulfilling relationship.
RELATIONSHIPSINTIMACY & SEX
Tyrone
10/18/20243 min read
Opposites Attract
From a young age, many of us were conditioned to believe that opposites attract. The idea of two polar opposites, like magnets, being drawn to each other has become ingrained in our thinking. It fits neatly into narratives like “boys like girls” or that people seek out someone completely different from themselves in romantic relationships. But let me get straight to the point—it’s simply not true.
We’ve been misled into applying a physical law to human relationships. This “opposites attract” notion is nothing more than a product of someone else’s limited belief system, designed to keep us from understanding the true dynamics at play. The real law we should be focusing on isn’t about polar attraction; it’s the Law of Attraction—like attracts like.
Now, before you hit that back button or scroll away, hear me out. Once upon a time, people believed the Earth was flat and that only birds could fly. But exploration and discovery have since disproven those beliefs. Similarly, the idea that opposites attract is based on old, flawed thinking. Just like how the laws of aerodynamics explain flight, we need to apply the right law when it comes to relationships. And that law is attraction, not opposition.
The Law of Attraction: Like Attracts Like
Many people resist the Law of Attraction, often because of religious teachings or cultural biases. But just as we’ve accepted that planes fly because of science, not divine intervention, we need to shift our mindset around relationships. Opposites don’t attract—similarities do.
Take, for example, the common pairing of narcissists and people-pleasers. On the surface, these personalities seem like polar opposites. The narcissist is self-centered, while the people-pleaser sacrifices everything for others. But here’s the kicker: both types are, in fact, alike in their neglect of self-care.
The Narcissist and the People-Pleaser: The Same Root Cause
People often think of narcissists and people-pleasers as opposites. But both share a fundamental similarity—they don't prioritize their own emotional well-being. The people-pleaser seeks validation by completing or “fixing” someone else, often thinking their worth is tied to how much they can give. Meanwhile, the narcissist views relationships as transactional, keeping score of what they’ve done for their partner and expecting gratitude—even when it comes with emotional manipulation or abuse.
Both are looking for someone to fix, and neither takes responsibility for their own emotions. The people-pleaser is consumed by the emotions of others, while the narcissist expects others to manage their emotional needs. It’s not a case of opposites attracting, but rather a like-for-like connection built on unhealthy emotional patterns.
Coincidence, Not Cause and Effect
Just because two things happen together doesn’t mean they’re connected by cause and effect. Think about it: burglars often wear black during a crime. Does that mean if you wear black, you’re going to rob a bank? Of course not. Likewise, pairing narcissists with people-pleasers isn’t about “opposites” but about shared emotional dysfunction.
If you find yourself stuck in the cycle of toxic or unfulfilling relationships, it’s time to start focusing on self-care and emotional accountability. The Law of Attraction suggests that you’ll continue attracting what mirrors your internal state. To break the cycle of attracting narcissistic partners, you must first take care of yourself and stop prioritizing others’ emotions over your own.
Change Your Habits, Change Your Relationships
I love Lao Tzu’s famous quote: “Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”
An alternative version of this wisdom is even more fitting for relationships:
W – Watch your Words
A – Watch your Actions
T – Watch your Thoughts
C – Watch your Companions
H – Watch your Habits
Conclusion
If you want to attract a meaningful, intimate relationship, start by building that kind of relationship with yourself. Otherwise, you’ll continue to be caught in the whirlwind of fleeting flings or rollercoaster relationships with your “opposite,” never finding the true connection you seek.
