Finding the Courage to Step Into Change

Driven by fear or obligation?

Have you ever felt stuck, as though your life has no direction or purpose? Trust me, I’ve been there too. Not just stuck in a small decision or a temporary rut, but in a place where you wake up, and the only thing pushing you forward is fear or obligation.I lived like that for years.

My life revolved around pleasing others, neglecting my own needs, and ignoring my desires. I was a people-pleaser to the core, and I thought that was a virtue. It wasn’t.

It made me the perfect target for narcissists—people who thrived on my willingness to put myself last to make them feel special.

I’ve come to realize that fear isn’t always loud. Sometimes, it’s the quiet voice that tells you to stay where you are because the unknown feels too big to handle. That voice kept me trapped in toxic patterns for years.

It kept me stuck after my divorce when I finally had a chance to start fresh—I got derailed by my childhood trauma, lack of knowledge, and self-sabotage, and it led me into another narcissistic relationship where I gave up even more of myself.

When I finally escaped that second relationship, I wanted to believe that freedom would make everything better. But the truth is, I was still overwhelmed. How was I supposed to build a new life when I didn’t even know who I was anymore?

I had to face a reality I hadn’t prepared for: living for myself. It was terrifying, and for a while, I floundered. But one conversation with a friend changed everything for me. It gave me a new way to see my situation—and my future.

Here’s what I learned that finally helped me move forward:

You Have Enough for the Next Step

One of the scariest parts of leaving a toxic relationship is facing the unknown. I remember sitting in my tiny room, staring at the pending bills on my phone, and wondering how I was going to make it. I didn’t have a financial safety net. I didn’t have family to lean on. All I had was me—and I wasn’t even sure that was enough.

But then I remembered something my friend Tyrone told me during one of our conversations. He said, “You have enough for the next step—when we look too far ahead, it’s easy to feel paralyzed by everything we don’t have. But when we focus on what’s right in front of us, we realize we always have enough to take one small step forward.”

“You don’t need to have everything figured out. You just need enough for the next step.”

That advice saved me. Instead of trying to solve every problem at once, I focused on what I could do that day. Some days, it was as simple as making a phone call or submitting a bid for a contract. Other days, it was just getting out of bed and reminding myself that I was free.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, I want you to ask yourself: What’s one small step you can take today? It doesn’t have to be big. It just has to move you forward.

So what’s your next step? Maybe it’s as simple as writing down your goals, making a phone call, or learning something new. Whatever it is, trust that you have enough to start.

Dream Big

I’ll be honest—when I first started thinking about what I wanted for my life, it felt impossible. Dreaming felt like a luxury I couldn’t afford. But then I asked myself: If I could have anything, what would it look like?

Imagine the future you want—really see it. What does it look like? How does it feel? Let yourself dream of the life that makes you happy and fulfilled. Those dreams aren’t “too big.” They’re yours. Hold onto the emotions of that vision because they’ll give you strength when things feel tough.

For me, this step wasn’t easy. I had spent so long suppressing my own desires that imagining what I wanted felt selfish. But when I allowed myself to dream, it gave me hope.

For me, the dream wasn’t just about money or success. It was about waking up in the morning and feeling peace. It was about having relationships where I felt seen and valued. It was about being able to trust myself again.

Dreaming big doesn’t mean you have to know exactly how to get there. It just means allowing yourself to believe that something better is possible.

Start Small

This is the game-changer, recall: You have enough for the next step. Not the step five years down the road, not the one that feels impossible right now. Just the next small thing.

The mistake I made for years was thinking I needed to fix everything at once. That mindset kept me paralyzed. But the truth is, change happens one small step at a time.

When I felt overwhelmed by everything I didn’t have—money, connections, or even confidence—I realized I didn’t need all of it at once.

There was also that nagging feeling of what is the point of starting something that you were not prepared to finish—but all I needed to finish, was each small step.

For me, starting small looked like journaling. At first, I couldn’t even write complete sentences. I just scribbled words that felt heavy—“shame,” “fear,” “alone.” But over time, those scribbles turned into stories, and those stories helped me make sense of what I’d been through.

Starting small also meant setting tiny goals, like taking a walk or cooking a meal just for myself. Those little victories reminded me that I was capable. I just needed to do one small thing today. One step forward.

Every day, I asked myself, What’s one small thing I can do today to move toward what I want? And I did it.

What’s one small thing you can do for yourself today?

Maybe it’s as simple as drinking more water, texting a supportive friend, or saying “no” to something that doesn’t feel right. Whatever it is, give yourself permission to start small.

Learn Fast

One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is that growth isn’t always comfortable. It’s messy, it’s painful, and sometimes it feels downright unfair. But here’s the thing—growth is also transformative.

I had to learn this the hard way. Back in high school, I was placed in a special needs class. At the time, I let that label define me, weighing me down with self-doubt.

But as I grew older, I realized those labels were only as powerful as I allowed them to be. I wasn’t stuck—I was capable of learning, adapting, and proving to myself that I could grow beyond anyone’s expectations.

I started pushing myself to learn, to grow, to challenge the stories I’d been told about who I was.

Learning fast doesn’t mean you have to know everything right away. It means being willing to try, fail, and try again. It means giving yourself grace to stumble because every stumble is a step forward. And it means remembering that your past doesn’t define your potential.

You might feel like you’re behind, but trust me, you’re not. Every lesson you learn now is one you’ll carry with you as you move forward.

Both Things Can Be True

One of the most freeing things I’ve learned is that two things can be true at the same time. I could hate the abuse I endured and still appreciate the rare good memories. I could be scared of the future and still hopeful about it.

This mindset helped me let go of the guilt and confusion that held me back. Life isn’t about polarizing everything into “good” or “bad.” It’s about choosing the truth that moves you forward.

You can love someone and still recognize they’re bad for you. You can feel grateful for the good times and still hate the way they treated you.

“Both things can be true.” Those words felt like permission to stop fighting myself. I didn’t have to erase the good to make sense of the bad. I could hold both truths at once.

That’s the thing about life—it’s not black and white. You can feel conflicted, scared, and hopeful all at the same time. And that’s okay. In fact, it’s normal.

Whether you think you can, or you think you can't either way you are right. Both things are true. The key to living a happy and fulfilling life is to choose the truth that gets you want. I choose to think, "I can".

Give Yourself Grace

Some days, you’ll feel like you’re making great progress. Other days, it’ll feel like you’re crawling—or even standing still. That’s okay. Taking care of yourself isn’t a straight line. It’s messy, and it’s hard, but it’s worth it.

I used to beat myself up for not having it all figured out. Now, I remind myself: As long as I’m taking one step at a time, I’m doing enough.

If you’re feeling stuck, I want you to know this: You don’t need to have it all together right now. You don’t need to know exactly how you’ll get where you want to be. What matters is that you take the next step, no matter how small.

You already have enough for Step 1. Trust that. Dream Big, Start Small, Learn Fast and keep moving forward. One step at a time, you’ll get there—and along the way, you’ll discover just how capable you are.

So, what’s your next step?

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letstalk@tiffanyandtyrone.com