5 Signs You’re Stuck in a Word Salad Conversation with a Narcissist

The Game of Almost: How Narcissists Use Word Salad to Confuse and Control You

If you’ve ever been in a toxic relationship, you may have experienced what I call “the game of almost.” It’s a subtle play on words and impressions that can make being in a relationship with a narcissist feel almost normal—even almost perfect. At first, everything seems great, almost exactly what you want.

But slowly, you start to feel like you’re giving up pieces of yourself without even realizing it. Before you know it, you’re stuck, feeling trapped and depleted, with little left to pull yourself out without serious damage to your mental health.

In the early stages of my own experiences with narcissistic relationships, I felt chosen, special, and understood. Sure, there were a few things I wasn’t crazy about, but it felt like they could be worked on. I wanted an equal partnership where both of us could understand each other’s perspectives without compromising who we were. It felt like we could have something close to an ideal relationship. But that was where the “almost” started to kick in.

Instead of feeling like being in a partnership, our conversations began to feel like rounds of a game—a game of almosts, almost understanding, almost compromise. Narcissists are masters of this tactic. They keep you almost satisfied, almost at peace, and almost convinced that they understand you. But in reality, it’s a game of manipulation where they use something called word salad to confuse you and stall any real resolution.

Definition of Word Salad

Word salad is a communication tactic often used by narcissists to create confusion and prevent resolution. It involves mixing fragmented statements, contradictions, and tangents to make the conversation difficult to follow. The result is a jumble of words that may sound logical but are designed to distract, frustrate, and ultimately wear you down.

Here’s how to recognize it.

5 Signs You’re Experiencing Word Salad Manipulation

1. Circular Conversations That Go Nowhere

   You’ll find yourself going in circles, repeating the same points, yet feeling like nothing ever changes. Each time, you feel like you’re almost getting through to them, almost explaining your point clearly enough for them to understand.

   But then, the conversation somehow turns, and you’re right back where you started. They might even end it by saying, “I really love you, and I don’t want us to argue,” making you feel like the conversation was productive—when, in reality, it was just a detour back to square one.

2. Twisting Your Words and Intentions

   Narcissists often twist your words, subtly changing what you’re trying to say until you barely recognize your own points. For instance, I once tried to explain that I wanted more independence over how I spent my time, without feeling like I had to get “permission.”

   He countered by saying he simply wanted to know my plans so he could make plans for us. It sounded innocent and thoughtful, but the outcome was the same: I was still being controlled, wrapped up in his needs, and left feeling misunderstood.

3. Constantly Minimizing Your Feelings

   In these “conversations,” you may bring up a concern, only to hear things like, “I don’t know why you feel that way” or “You’re being too sensitive.” This invalidates your emotions, making you question your own experience.

   I remember writing a letter to better explain my feelings, hoping he’d take my concerns seriously. Instead, he dismissed my letter by asking, “Why didn’t you just tell me?”—even though I had explained my reasons in the opening paragraph. This was his way of sidestepping the real issue, minimizing my need to be heard.

4. Shifting Blame and Playing the Victim

   One of the hardest parts of these conversations is that, no matter what you say, they somehow twist it until you’re the one to blame. When I expressed that I wanted to be part of making plans together, he suddenly became offended, saying I was trying to “take away” his way of loving me and that I was the one ruining his surprises.

   It left me feeling guilty for expressing my own needs, and it became nearly impossible to get him to take responsibility for anything.

5. The Illusion of Resolution Without Any Real Change

   Narcissists often end these conversations as if some grand resolution has been reached. They might even propose a “solution” that sounds nice in theory but is either impractical or something they know will never happen.

   Once, after yet another circular argument, he suggested we write down our feelings on a sheet of paper to help us communicate better—a suggestion that would’ve been great if he hadn’t spent the entire conversation ignoring what I’d already written in my letter. This fake resolution keeps you hooked, thinking things will get better, while nothing actually changes.

Breaking Free from the Game of Almost

The sad truth is that if you stay in this type of relationship, you’ll either have to accept constant compromises or live in a never-ending cycle of taking turns being hurt and confused.

Narcissists are willing to sacrifice as much as it takes to keep you feeling trapped, but the sacrifices are rarely mutual. Over time, you may find that every time you “compromise,” you’re really giving up a piece of yourself.

Ask yourself: if this relationship exists as a partnership between two individuals, what happens every time you give up more of yourself? Answer: It stops being a partnership and becomes a takeover, with the narcissist in control.

The game of almost is a lose-lose situation for you, where every turn you take only keeps you further from the peace and understanding you’re looking for. Recognize the signs, and remember that genuine communication builds you up—it doesn’t leave you feeling drained, confused, or constantly misunderstood.

letstalk@tiffanyandtyrone.com